Friday, November 20, 2009

The Bad Lieutenant: Port Call of New Orleans

When Movies Go Bad

This is a new section where I will be showing you trailers of upcoming movies breaking down the plot, then rating the movie based on beer, shot of hard liquor or spirits as the upper class calls them, or whatever drug I'm experimenting with at the time. Oh by the way I'm Matt Hanratty or as the Puerto Ricans call me . . . Mr. IMDB, sorry I just saw a commercial for Barcardi.

00:30- The movie is heading in a Training Day direction, bad cop(s), the scene is dark and ominous. Wait . . . is that a washed up Val Kilmer playing the partner of a washed up Nick Cage, oh great this movie is already at rock bottom. Will the story help carry the film?

00:44- We find out that Nick Cage has a bad back, too bad its not paralyzing, and that he "Was a good cop." So basically he was a good cop (and actor) but now the times they are a changing. Oh and he's gonna be in severe pain, serves him right after Knowing and Next.

00:57- Oh great the list of actors for this is a who's who of B-List or soon to be B-List and now we throw in rapper turned actor proof that 1 + 1 = 3

01:04- Nick cage has a gun in his pants, no not his dick but a revovler resembling a Colt .44 Magnum, the gun that Eastwood uses in the Dirty Harry films. So now Cage is trying to be a bad-ass cop. In real life his captain would put his foot so far up his ass that Cage would have to learn to tie shoes with his tounge. But will let it continue on the grounds that it brings back the edge that the movie lost when Xzibit showed up.

01:11- Oh come on don't tell me you didn't see the drug use coming, the title of the movie is The Bad Lieutenant so you know he's not a good guy. Also back pain, come one tell me how many of you have taken pain killers when you weren't even in pain, yes you in the back. So the movie has been laid out for us good cop gone bad.

02:23- I would like to let you know that this scene was improvised by Cage himself after massive drug use preparing for the role. Oh yeah everything that happened over the last minute or so was extremely pointless to even describe. When a cop goes bad he either steals from crooks, uses drugs, abuses his/her power or a combination of the prior.

How the movie plays out . . .
Cage slowly slips farther and farther into madness over the duration of the film. The first quarter will be seeing him control his illegal activities but it will also so the temptations to go further. By halfway he will have slipped and be forced to get the money back that he stole. 3/4 of the way in Cage will be so surrounded by crime that he will have lost contact with his girl, the lovely Eva Mendes, and his friends in the police. In the last quarter of the film Cage's downward spiral will have hit rock bottom and will most likely lead to his death, which by my guess, and hopes, will be violent. Leaving the audience with a message don't watch Nick Cage movies.

Rating: In order to enjoy this I say have yourself a case of your favorite beer ready it's gonna be a long night.


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  2. I think if you had a case of your favorite beer, you wouldn't be enjoying the movie except the beer. That is totally fine with me. Haha.