Sunday, September 13, 2009

BWP Preseason NFL Power Rankings

I guess the NFL season technically started on Thursday, but I don't like to acknowledge the two teams that played in that game. So tomorrow is the official start of the NFL season. We can now officially put the Orioles season behind us (even though it seems everyone in the O's organization put the season behind them about 2 months ago).

But I digress. I am proud to present a new BWP feature! NFL Power Rankings! Each week, the BWP writers will get together and agree on rankings for each NFL team based on overall performance from the previous week and our opinions on the likelihood of each team making the playoffs.

This week you will get mine and John's take on the preseason rankings because the other writers (the supposed "founders" of this site) are lazy shitheads who can't spare 5 minutes to send me their rankings.

But enough about them. Let's do this!

1. Steelers - As much as I hate to do this, they are the defending champs and they didn't lose any key members from last year's team. Fuck.

2. Patriots - As long as Tom Brady stays healthy, they win the division with ease.

3. Chargers - I have a strong feeling that Tomlinson rebounds from a disappointing 2008 and Shawne Merriman puts the competition in a sleeper hold.

4. Titans - Strong defense and a good running game. Sounds like a recipe for playoff success.

5. Giants - Losing Burress was huge. Who is going to catch Eli Manning's wildly thrown passes?

6. Colts - They are getting older at key positions, but Peyton Manning consistently keeps them in games.

7. Ravens - I'm expecting big things this year from Joe Flacco and the Ravens, who are a year removed from an AFC Championship Game appearance. In a stacked AFC, the Ravens defense gives them a chance to beat any opponent.

8. Eagles - They have built an exciting offense with the additions of WR Jeremy Maclin and PI (prison inmate) Mike Vick.

9. Vikings - Brett Favre! As long as he doesn't fuck it up, the Vikings D and running game have the potential to lead them to the playoffs.

10. Falcons - Matt Ryan is looking to have a successful sophomore campaign

11. Bears - Jay Cutler is an improvement over Kyle Orton.

12. Packers - The NFC North is an interesting division this year. A lot of contenders. The Packers should compete for the division title as long as their D shows improvements from last year.

13. Panthers - Jake Delhomme shit himself in the playoffs. If he can put that behind him, the Panthers have the pieces to make the playoffs again.

14. Cardinals - There is no way Kurt Warner stays healthy two seasons in a row

15. Texans - Everyone's favorite sleeper pick this season. Matt Schaub needs to prove he can stay healthy before the Texans can be considered a serious threat.

16. Saints - The offense is downright scary. The defense, not so much.

17. Cowboys - They got rid of T.O. but the off field distractions continue. How do people actually like this team?

18. Dolphins - Chad Pennington played well last year, but the team is preparing to slowly hand the reigns over to Chad Henne. Defenses are starting to figure out the Wildcat. Sorry Ronnie Brown.

19. Redskins - I can't figure this team out. They could be good or they could suck. Is Jason Campbell good? Judging by what happened this offseason, Dan Snyder doesn't seem to think so.

20. Seahawks - The addition of Houshmandzadeh is big for Matt Hasselbeck but they don't have much to offer at the RB position.

21. Jets - Rex Ryan brings a breath of fresh air to a team that was under the power of dominatrix Eric Mangini last year. This team is heading in the right direction (as long as Mark Sanchez isn't a bust).

22. Jaguars - This team is boring.

23. Bills - T.O. will rip Trent Edwards arm off and beat him senseless with it by Week 6. Put money on it.

24. 49ers - Shaun Hill? Sounds like a long term QB solution to me

25. Bengals - Hard Knocks revealed to me that the Bengals are a poorly run franchise. Marvin Lewis will not have a job at this time next year.

26. Chiefs - Matt Cassell better be good or things could be ugly in KC for years to come.

27. Broncos - Kyle Orton was a slight downgrade from Jay Cutler.

28. Buccaneers - I don't know too much about this team. I think they fired their offensive coordinator last week. This isn't a good sign

29. Browns - Mangenious to the rescue! Jamal Lewis is washed up! Brady Quinn is gay!! Braylon Edwards can't catch! The Browns are fucked!

30. Rams - Hey Rams fans! You are a Marc Bulger injury (very likely) away from Kyle Boller becoming your starting QB. Good luck!

31. Raiders - There is no way Al Davis is still alive. This franchise is embarrassing.

32. Lions - There's nowhere to go but up!

Enjoy Week 1 of the NFL tomorrow. Go Ravens!

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