Tuesday, September 29, 2009

That Stench You Smell Is The Baltimore Orioles.

There have been 6 games since I have last updated. The Orioles have lost all of them. Let's hand out some awards.

On Monday, the O's opened a 3 game series with the Blue Jays. Chris Tillman turned in a poor effort (4 earned runs in 5 innings) to earn his 4th loss as the Jays won 9-2. Felix Pie drove in both runs for the O's.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Bob McCrory!

McCrory is making a late season push up the CWA leaderboard with his poor pitching performances. He pitched 2/3 of an inning and gave up 4 earned runs in this game.

On Tuesday, the O's carried a 5-2 lead going into the 8th inning. Naturally their bullpen blew it and they lost 6-5 in 11 innings. Brian Roberts drove in 2 runs for the O's

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Jim Johnson!

He blew the save, he gets the award.

On Wednesday, the Blue Jays won 7-3 to finish off the sweep. Jeremy Guthrie pitched poorly giving up 7 runs in 7 innings. Michael Aubrey and Matt Wieters homered for the O's.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Jeremy Guthrie!

He now has the CWA lead!

On Friday, the O's opened up a weekend series against the Cleveland Indians. David Hernandez pitched well enough to keep the O's in the game, allowing 2 earned runs in 6 innings. However a fielding mistake by Melvin Mora and some untimely hitting by the O's helped the Indians pull out a 4-2 victory. Nick Markakis homered for the O's.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Cesar Izturis!

Izturis went 1/4 with a strikeout while leaving 6 men on base.

On Saturday, Jason Berken sucked, the bullpen sucked, and the O's lost 9-8. Luke Scott homered and drove in 3 runs for the O's.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Sean Henn!

No clue who he is but he gave up 3 runs without recording an out. WOOOOOO!

On Sunday, Chris Tillman got shelled and the O's bats were stifled as they lost 9-0. Luke Scott had 2 hits for the Orioles.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Chris Tillman!

6 ER in 2 IP.

So there you have it. With one week left in the season, the O's are playing some of the worst baseball I have ever seen. My updates have gotten progressively worse and I apologize for that. I'm not going to make excuses. No one reads anyway.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

O's Swept By Red Sox... Again.

Emperor Angelos is here to laugh at those of you who actually paid to see the Orioles play this year (Unfortunately I was stupid enough to attend Camden Yards several times this season).




Alright. The O's beat the Red Sox 2 times this season. They played eachother 18 times and the O's could only manage to win 2 of them. I don't even know how to respond to that. The Sox should send Peter Angelos a fruit basket or something. If we had won 5 of those 16 games that we lost, the Sox would have a 2 game lead in the AL Wild Card race instead of a 7 game lead. You're welcome Beantown.

On Friday, Jeremy Guthrie (3 earned runs in 5 2/3 innings) kept the Orioles in the game. Unfortunately, the O's were once again baffled by the pitching of Clay Buchholz as they lost 3-1. Luke Scott drove in the O's lone run with a solo home run.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Peter Angelos!

There wasn't a clear winner from the game due to all O's players sucking equally, so why not give another award to this fuck face?

On Saturday, David Hernandez pitched decently (3 earned runs in 6 innings) only to see it ruined by what the Orioles like to call their "bullpen". The O's relievers gave up 8 runs in 3 innings to turn the game into an 11-5 blowout. Ty Wigginton hit 2 home runs and Matt Wieters went 3/5 with and RBI.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Bob McCrory!

McCrory gave up 5 runs in 2/3 of an inning. All of the runs were unearned due to an error by Wigginton, but I don't care, Bobby still gave up 2 home runs. Man, we suck.

On Sunday, the Red Sox completed the clean sweep as they won 9-3. Jason Berken got lit up (6 earned runs in 3 innings) and Dice-K held the O's to 3 runs. Luke Scott homered for the O's.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Jason Berken!


See you soon with more depressing news from Baltimore!

Friday, September 18, 2009

O's Split Series With The Rays.

The O's finished up a 4 game series with the Tampa Bay Rays yesterday. Here is a recap of the games, full of people I didn't even realize were on the Orioles:

On Monday, the Rays beat the Orioles 8-4 to end their 11 game losing streak. David Hernandez continued his recent streak of bad outings allowing 5 runs in 3 innings. Melvin Mora, Matt Wieters, and Luke Scott each drove in 1 run for the Orioles.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Davis Hernandez!

The long ball continues to kill the O's pitchers. Hernandez has given up 23 HRs on the season and his ERA is now 5.40.

On Tuesday, the Orioles pounded Jeff Niemann as they won 10-5. Jason Berken pitched well enough to earn his fifth win of the season (although his ERA is now 6.08). Matt Wieters had a big day at the plate, going 3/4 with a home run and 5 RBIs. Luke Scott also homered for the O's.

Wednesday's game was an exciting one, as Matt Wieters hit a walk off 2 run home run in the bottom of the 9th to give the O's a 4-2 win. He also threw two runners out at second base earlier in the game. Chris Tillman pitched extremely well for the O's, surrendering only 1 run in 6 2/3 innings.

Yesterday, the O's bats were silenced by Wade Davis as he pitched a complete game shutout to give the Rays a 3-0 victory. Davis struck out 10 batters while only surrendering 4 hits and 2 walks. Mark Hendrickson only lasted 3 1/3 innings as he surrendered 2 runs in his first start since May 12.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Nick Markakis!

Markakis went 0/4 with a strikeout and 4 men left on base.

Tonight the O's open up a weekend series vs. Boston. The Sox are 13-2 against the O's this year. Dear lord that is depressing. I'll be back with plenty of CWAs on Monday.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The O's Still Have A Little Fight Left In Them!?

The O's went into Yankee Stadium this past weekend and actually put together a decent series. This is how it went down:

On Friday, the Orioles pounded out 10 runs on 16 hits as they earned a 10-4 victory. Chris Tillman struck out 8 Yankees in 5 innings, earning his 2nd victory of the year. Brian Roberts led the Orioles with 3 RBIs. On a weird side note, Mark Hendrickson pitched 3 innings for his first career save.

On Saturday, Brian Roberts tore apart Yankees pitching for the second straight game as he went 3/4 with a HR and 4 RBIs. Nolan Reimold also added a HR for the O's as they won 7-3. Brian Matusz had as strong outing, allowing 1 run in 7 innings.

On Sunday, the O's lost 13-3. It was 5-3 going into the bottom of the 8th inning until Chris Waters and Bob McCrory surrendered 8 runs (O's bullpen! woooo). Justin Turner, Chad Moeller, and Jeff Fiorentino (3 future Hall of Famers) each drove in a run for the O's.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Bob McCrory!

McCrory surrendered 4 runs in the bottom of the 8th without recording an out.

Stay tuned later this week for more O's updates and Week 2 NFL Power Rankings.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Stupid mascots make for bad football teams...

Sorry, but it's just an undeniable fact of sports.

Just watch this clip of "Cavman" (from before yesterday's Virginia game vs. TCU).

Cavman is a guy who dresses up as a Cavalier for Virginia football games. I mean, I guess that's cool, but that's not really the point.

Check out some important moments from this video:

:35 seconds - Computer generated Cavman on Scott Stadium jumbotron gets angry after seeing a computer generated horned frog prancing around Virginia's campus. Cavman goes to get his computer generated horse.

1:17 - Cavman (still computer generated) punches horned frog off highway overpass.

1:29- A truck runs over horned frog on said highway. Cavman is driving the truck.

1:51- Real life Cavman rides real life horse onto the field as real life Cavalier football players run to their sideline.

1:59- Camera pans to Cavman, on the ground, after having fallen off of his horse. Cavman unsuccessfully attempts to get back on horse.

Oh, then the football team lost, 30-14.

Theory proven. Thank you Cavman.

Aaron Kraut is a senior journalism major at the University of Maryland. Hire him.

BWP Preseason NFL Power Rankings

I guess the NFL season technically started on Thursday, but I don't like to acknowledge the two teams that played in that game. So tomorrow is the official start of the NFL season. We can now officially put the Orioles season behind us (even though it seems everyone in the O's organization put the season behind them about 2 months ago).

But I digress. I am proud to present a new BWP feature! NFL Power Rankings! Each week, the BWP writers will get together and agree on rankings for each NFL team based on overall performance from the previous week and our opinions on the likelihood of each team making the playoffs.

This week you will get mine and John's take on the preseason rankings because the other writers (the supposed "founders" of this site) are lazy shitheads who can't spare 5 minutes to send me their rankings.

But enough about them. Let's do this!

1. Steelers - As much as I hate to do this, they are the defending champs and they didn't lose any key members from last year's team. Fuck.

2. Patriots - As long as Tom Brady stays healthy, they win the division with ease.

3. Chargers - I have a strong feeling that Tomlinson rebounds from a disappointing 2008 and Shawne Merriman puts the competition in a sleeper hold.

4. Titans - Strong defense and a good running game. Sounds like a recipe for playoff success.

5. Giants - Losing Burress was huge. Who is going to catch Eli Manning's wildly thrown passes?

6. Colts - They are getting older at key positions, but Peyton Manning consistently keeps them in games.

7. Ravens - I'm expecting big things this year from Joe Flacco and the Ravens, who are a year removed from an AFC Championship Game appearance. In a stacked AFC, the Ravens defense gives them a chance to beat any opponent.

8. Eagles - They have built an exciting offense with the additions of WR Jeremy Maclin and PI (prison inmate) Mike Vick.

9. Vikings - Brett Favre! As long as he doesn't fuck it up, the Vikings D and running game have the potential to lead them to the playoffs.

10. Falcons - Matt Ryan is looking to have a successful sophomore campaign

11. Bears - Jay Cutler is an improvement over Kyle Orton.

12. Packers - The NFC North is an interesting division this year. A lot of contenders. The Packers should compete for the division title as long as their D shows improvements from last year.

13. Panthers - Jake Delhomme shit himself in the playoffs. If he can put that behind him, the Panthers have the pieces to make the playoffs again.

14. Cardinals - There is no way Kurt Warner stays healthy two seasons in a row

15. Texans - Everyone's favorite sleeper pick this season. Matt Schaub needs to prove he can stay healthy before the Texans can be considered a serious threat.

16. Saints - The offense is downright scary. The defense, not so much.

17. Cowboys - They got rid of T.O. but the off field distractions continue. How do people actually like this team?

18. Dolphins - Chad Pennington played well last year, but the team is preparing to slowly hand the reigns over to Chad Henne. Defenses are starting to figure out the Wildcat. Sorry Ronnie Brown.

19. Redskins - I can't figure this team out. They could be good or they could suck. Is Jason Campbell good? Judging by what happened this offseason, Dan Snyder doesn't seem to think so.

20. Seahawks - The addition of Houshmandzadeh is big for Matt Hasselbeck but they don't have much to offer at the RB position.

21. Jets - Rex Ryan brings a breath of fresh air to a team that was under the power of dominatrix Eric Mangini last year. This team is heading in the right direction (as long as Mark Sanchez isn't a bust).

22. Jaguars - This team is boring.

23. Bills - T.O. will rip Trent Edwards arm off and beat him senseless with it by Week 6. Put money on it.

24. 49ers - Shaun Hill? Sounds like a long term QB solution to me

25. Bengals - Hard Knocks revealed to me that the Bengals are a poorly run franchise. Marvin Lewis will not have a job at this time next year.

26. Chiefs - Matt Cassell better be good or things could be ugly in KC for years to come.

27. Broncos - Kyle Orton was a slight downgrade from Jay Cutler.

28. Buccaneers - I don't know too much about this team. I think they fired their offensive coordinator last week. This isn't a good sign

29. Browns - Mangenious to the rescue! Jamal Lewis is washed up! Brady Quinn is gay!! Braylon Edwards can't catch! The Browns are fucked!

30. Rams - Hey Rams fans! You are a Marc Bulger injury (very likely) away from Kyle Boller becoming your starting QB. Good luck!

31. Raiders - There is no way Al Davis is still alive. This franchise is embarrassing.

32. Lions - There's nowhere to go but up!

Enjoy Week 1 of the NFL tomorrow. Go Ravens!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Please Just End The Misery Already!

The O's were spared tons of embarrassment this week by only having to play a 2 game series against the Red Sox.

On Tuesday, the O's were blanked for the second game in a row as they lost 10-0. Clay Buchholz continued his wizardry against the O's as he pitched 7 scoreless innings. David Hernandez got lit up as he lasted only 2 2/3 innings.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... David Hernandez!

Hernandez gave up 6 earned runs in 2 2/3 innings.

On Wednesday, the O's lost 7-5. Berken was mediocre. Boston is better than us. It is sad to write about.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Melvin Mora!

0/5 with a strikeout and 5 left on base.

The O's play the Yankees this weekend. It's gonna be a bloodbath.

Walker Texas Ranger Ain't Got Shit On The Orioles.

The Orioles did good against the Texas Rangers this past weekend. Let me tell you about it.

On Friday, Chris Tillman (5 ER in 6 IP) pitched poorly and the Orioles lost 5-1 as a result of this poor performance. Brian Roberts drove in the only run for the O's.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Chris Tillman!

See stats above.

On Saturday, Brian Matusz settled down after giving up 4 early runs and he pitched 7 strong innings as the O's won 5-4. Nolan Reimold homered and Melvin Mora homered and drove in 3 runs for the O's.

On Sunday, the O's earned the series win 7-0 behind the right arm of Jeremy Guthrie (7 IP 6 Ks). Brian Roberts, Chad Moeller, and Jeff Fiorentino (who?) each drove in 2 runs for the O's.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

You Are Still Fat and Ugly, the Facebook Hand on Hip Pose Isn't Going to Change That

I've started to notice a trend at parties, facebook, through my binoculars across the street from a slumber party, etc. that more and more girls are posing for pictures like they are modeling for Vogue. I think you all know what I'm talking about; that stupid shot where the bitch with the dress on so short that it makes her fallopian tubes more accessible to the human eye than her make up ridden coke face turns to the side ever so slightly (her good side of course, lol!)and puts her hand on her hip.

Why do droves and droves of whores do this might you ask? It's simple, they know their slut friend Jenny who has to take 450 pictures each time someone takes a shot of their Bacardi Razz is going to put them in an album on Facebook with a name similar to "The Times We'll Never Remember With the Friends We'll Never Forget!!! Love You girlsies, lolz!" or "BlackOut '09: We Pregame Harder Than You Party!! Whoo!." I'd rather get choked out by Shawn Merriman Tila Tequila style than see another one of these albums again.

What infuriates me the most is that ugly chicks actually think this shit works. Like, people will think you're hotter if your hand is on your hip. Either you're hot, or you're fat and ugly and there's not any amount of cloth or posing that will change this. Putting your hand on your hip in some attempt to look skinnier and sexy isn't going to hide your Krispy Kreme diet. YOU ARE STILL A FAT WHORE THAT NO ONE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH. Do us all a favor and go to College Pizza, chow down on your X-Large sausage by yourself like you do every Friday and Saturday while your hot roommates go back home with their boyfriends and eat your fat self to death.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Shawne Merriman: Unsung Hero

Shawne Merriman (allegedly) did the world a favor and choked out Tila Tequila. John Wayne can roll through town, kill everyone in it, and leave a hero, but Shawne Merriman is some kind of asshole? I don't like it. They should erect a statue of this incident on Maryland's campus next to Jim Henson.

Let's look at the resume:

Went to Maryland, so nobody really cared
Took steroids, but it's not baseball so nobody cared
Out for the entire 2008 season with a knee injury, but then Brady went down
Choked out Tila Tequila, but Michael Vick killed a few dogs

Shawne Merriman, you are the Van Gough of Line Backers. This world was not meant for someone as beautiful as you.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Fuck the Yankees.

This season has been horrible. It isn't fun to watch the Orioles anymore and I don't understand why anyone would waste their time or money to see them in person (and judging by attendance numbers, most people aren't). I understand the team is rebuilding, and for the most part I like the way it is going. With that being said, it seems like the team is just rolling over and dying.

Which to me points to one thing: coaching. I don't know whether Trembley is qualified to be a competitive coach in the MLB. He simply hasn't had enough time with these young players for me to decide one way or the other. And to be honest, Joe Torre wouldn't be able to do much with the pitching that we had this year.

But, with the prospects and young pitching talent we have, the O's better finish at .500 or better next season or Trembley will probably be looking for a new job. It isn't that hard of an accomplishment and with the (supposed) talent that the O's have in the majors now, .500 is not an unrealistic goal.

That ends my O's rant for the day. Lets get to the shit show that was the Yankees series...

On Monday, the O's didn't get a hit until the 7th inning. Needless to say, they didn't win. Jeremy Guthrie pitched 6 innings, giving up 2 runs as the O's lost 5-1. Melvin Mora drove in the O's lone run with a solo homer.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Nolan Reimold!

Reimold went 0/4 with 3 strikeouts and he left 4 men on base.

On Tuesday, David Hernandez pitched like shit (5 ER in 5 IP with 6 walks) but was still in line for the win as the O's scored 6 runs off of A.J. Burnett. However, Chris Ray took matters into his own hands and gave up 3 runs in the 7th inning while only recording 1 out and the O's went on to lose 9-6. Luke Scott and Felix Pie homered for the O's.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Chris Ray!

For the above mentioned reasons.

Wednesday, the O's and Yankees found themselves in the midst of a pitchers duel... until the 9th inning. Jason Berken (1 ER in 5 1/3 IP) and CC Sabathia (1 ER in 7 IP) both turned in quality starts, but the Yankees bullpen proved to be superior. The O's bullpen surrendered 9 runs over 3 2/3 innings, with 7 of those runs coming in the 9th inning. Nolan Reimold and Nick Markakis drove in the O's runs.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game is... Jim Johnson!

5 earned runs without recording an out. Sounds like a long term solution for our closer position. Yikes.

The O's open a 3 game series with Texas on Friday. Is the season over yet?