Saturday, June 27, 2009

O's Get Back On Track Against Worst Team In Baseball.

The best way to end a losing streak is to play the team in the MLB with the worst record. So after the O's were embarrassed by the Marlins in Florida they had to be excited to get back home and open up a three game series with the Washington Nationals.

On Friday, Brad Bergesen once again turned in an impressive outing, giving up 1 run in 6 innings while striking out 5. The O's batters pounded out 16 hits, while Melvin Mora drove in 4 runs and Aubrey Huff drove in 3 as the O's won 11-1.

Yesterday, Jeremy Guthrie pitched out of some early game trouble to finish with a line of 3 earned runs in 5 innings. Nolan Reimold hit a 3 run homer in the 5th inning to put the O's up for good as they won 6-3.

Today, the O's go for the sweep as David Hernandez (who was recalled from the minors after Koji Uehara was placed on the DL) pitches against John Lannan.

Friday, June 26, 2009

The O's Have Been Hit By, They've Been Struck By, A Smooth Criminal.

That 'thud' you just heard was the O's momentum coming to a crashing halt in Florida during their mid-week series with the Marlins. The Marlins (especially star shortstop Hanley Ramirez) feasted on the O's pitching as they ended the Orioles 5 game winning streak against NL opponents.

Tuesday's game started as a pitchers duel and ended in thrilling fashion (if you are a Marlins fan I guess) as the O's scored 5 runs in the 8th and 9th innings only to lose 7-6 in extra innings. Koji Uehara pitched a nice game, going 6 innings and giving up 1 run. Unfortunately the bullpen (specifically Danys Baez, but we'll get to that in a second) let Koji down as the Marlins scored 5 runs in the 7th inning.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for Tuesday's game is... Danys Baez!

Baez pitched 1/3 of an inning giving up all of the 5 aforementioned earned runs, making it nearly impossible for the O's to overcome the deficit.

In Wednesday's game, the O's hitters were baffled by Ricky Nolasco's pitching as they struck out 7 times against Nolasco and only managed to score 2 runs as they lost 5-2. Jason Berken pitched well, giving up 2 earned runs in 5 innings, but the O's were unable to muster enough offense to really be a threat.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for Wednesday's game is... Nick Markakis!

I've been avoiding this for awhile now but Markakis deserves this one. He has been slumping lately and this game was no different as he went 0/4 with 2 strikeouts.

In Thursday's game, Rich Hill was pounded by the Marlins, surrendering 6 earned runs in 4 1/3 innings. Hanley Ramirez added a grand slam off of Chris Ray in the 8th inning to pour salt on the O's wounds, as the Marlins completed the sweep, 11-3.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for Thursday's game is... Rich Hill!

No surprise here, you can't give up 6 runs and expect to have a chance to win. Damn you Rich Hill! Stop letting me down!

All in all, Hanley Ramirez was 6/13 with 4 runs scored, 2 HRs, 11 RBIs, and 2 SBs for the series, as he raped and pillaged the buttholes of the O's pitchers. For those of you scoring at home, he nearly drove in half of the Marlins runs during the series. Luckily the O's play the Nats to close out interleague play so we should be able to feel good about ourselves again by the end of the weekend.

Sunday, June 21, 2009


It was an old fashioned pitcher's duel in Philadelphia this afternoon. Cole Hamels pitched 8 innings, striking out 10 and giving up 2 runs for the Phils, and Jeremy Guthrie pitched 7 innings while only surrendering 3 hits and 1 run for the Orioles, as the O's won 2-1.

The O's made last year's World Series Champs their bitch for 3 straight games as they earned the sweep. The O's are now 9-3 against the National League, forever ending the debate over which league is better.

The O's have a day off tomorrow before they open a 3 game series against the Marlins on Tuesday, where Koji Uehara looks to keep the O's 5 game winning streak alive against Andrew Miller.

The Orioles are only 6 games back in the Wild Card race, so don't give up hope yet O's fans.

O's Conjure Up Some Magic In Philly.

It has been awhile since we've used the above clip, but tonight's game deserves it. The Orioles hit the shit out of the ball tonight (16 hits), unfortunately, for the first 8 innings of the game, they couldn't seem to hit in the clutch. In all, they left 14 men on base and they left the bases loaded at least twice.

Although the O's led 3-0 going into the 7th inning, it felt like they had wasted multiple opportunities to put the game away. So it came as no surprise when Ryan Howard blasted a pinch hit 3 run homer after the Phillies had already scored 2 runs in the inning.

The Phillies still led 5-3 going into the 9th inning with Luke Scott, Gregg Zaun, and Robert Andino due up for the O's (in other words, an almost certain loss). Scott led off the inning by popping out to 3rd.

After that, things got interesting. Zaun came up and blasted a solo home run to right field. Then, after Nolan Reimold, who was pinch hitting for Robert Andino, grounded out to 3rd, Oscar Salazar (who hit in the pitcher's spot in the lineup) kept the inning alive with a single to right.

This brought Brian Roberts up to the plate with a chance to take down the World Champs. Roberts delivered with a 2 run jack to right field. George Sherrill pitched a 1-2-3 ninth inning to slam the door on the Phillies.

There is nothing sweeter than sticking it to the Phillies and their annoying fans (well, beating the Yankees might be a little better, but not much).

The O's go for the sweep tomorrow against World Series MVP and all-around douchebag, Cole Hamels. We've got Guthrie going for us so the sweep seems unlikely. But with Orioles Magic, anything is possible.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

O's Take First Game From World Champs.

Last year the Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series. Yesterday the Orioles beat the Philadelphia Phillies. That means the O's are World Champions!!... well not quite, but suck it Phillies, how does it feel to lose to a last place team?

Rich Hill did it all for the Orioles yesterday, giving up 2 runs in 6 2/3 innings and driving in the go ahead run in the 2nd inning with an RBI single. Matt Wieters, Nick Markakis, and Aubrey Huff all added RBI doubles and Nolan Reimold homered as the O's won 7-2.

Today the O's send red-hot Brad Bergesen to the mound in an attempt to win another series against NL opponents. He will be opposed by impressive rookie J.A. Happ, in a game that has the makings of a pitchers duel.

Tune in fans. The O's are slowly becoming watchable again.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Tongue My Wieters.

That sexy piece of ass above is Adam Jones in bobblehead form. The first 25,000 fans to attend yesterday's O's game were proud recipients of that beauty (including "dedicated" BWP writers John, Greg, and I). But the free give away was not all the fans were treated to on Wednesday night; Matt Wieters hit his first major league home run and drove in his first 2 MLB RBIs, as the O's won 6-4.

Koji Uehara had a decent outing, giving up 2 runs in 5 innings and Aubrey Huff added a 2 run homer to tie the series at 1 apiece.

UPDATE: While writing yesterday's game recap, today's O's game just finished up so I will now do that recap.

Matt Wieters struck again today. With the O's down 4-3 in the bottom of the 9th, Wieters led off the inning with a double and K-Rod subsequently fell apart. The O's pinch ran Felix Pie for Wieters and K-Rod walked Nolan Reimold. Roberts then laid down a sacrifice bunt. The catcher tried to throw Pie out at third but his speedy legs were too fast for Omir Santos.

K-Rod then walked Adam Jones, bringing in a run and tying the game at 4. Then, Markakis struck out, setting the stage for BWP Clipped Wing Award leader Aubrey Huff to be the hero. He delivered with a single to right field, driving in Reimold to win the game 5-4.

The O's have now won all 3 of their series against NL opponents this season. Tomorrow they open a series against the Phillies so that streak should end.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

O's Lose To New York Chets... Mets.

The Orioles found another exciting way to lose Tuesday night, as they gave up 2 runs off of an Aubrey Huff error and lost 6-4. Nick Markakis homered in the 6th, but it was not enough to put the O's over the top.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for last night's game is... Aubrey Huff!

In addition to his aforementioned error, Huff went 1/4 at the plate with one strikeout. Huff is now in sole possession of first place in the CWA standings. Keep up the good work Aubrey.

Tomorrow the O's continue their series with the Mets on the much anticipated Adam Jones bobble head night. I plan to be in attendance so I expect the O's to dazzle me with some spectacular play and superior talent. lol

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

"Celebrity" News Anchor Roasts Other "Celebrities", Hilarity Ensues.

UPDATE: The video I posted has been removed from youtube. Just click the link below.

I stumbled upon the above video when I opened up AIM today and thought I would pass it along to you loyal BWP readers.

Here is the original link to the story.

Al Roker carried the Heidi and Spencer bashing over to his Twitter immediately after his interview, saying "we're at minute 11 of their 15 minutes of fame."

Heidi shared her thoughts on the Roker interview during an appearance on the Ryan Seacrest radio show later in the day, where she claimed that she cried after the interview and that Roker is a sexist.

This whole blown out of proportion mess led to this gem of a quote from the AOL News site:

"Later in the day, as the story continued to build, Roker took to Twitter again to address the controversy. 'Heidi & Spencer are young and eventually will realize there is more to life than fame,' he wrote, adding 'In the kitchen making chicken tacos for dinner.'"

It is good to see that even after his stomach stapling surgery, Roker still enjoys some delicious food.

But in all seriousness, good for Al Roker. I have always despised The Hills, and this show "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Outta Here," looks absurd (Spencer getting baptized in a jungle by Stephen Baldwin and then pretending to be a born again Christian... are you fucking kidding me?).

Even though Roker is only famous because of his former status as a fat, black weatherman on the morning news, that is still a million times better than being "famous" for being rich, stuck up, and mentally challenged. Screw you Heidi and Spencer.

O's Win Series Against Braves.

The O's bats finally came alive in the last two games of the interleague series against the Braves, as they won Saturday's game 8-4 and Sunday's game 11-2.

In Saturday's game, Rich Hill had another rough outing as he cruised through the first 3 innings without giving up a run and then proceeded to give up 4 runs in the 4th inning. The O's bats picked him up though, scoring 6 runs in the 7th inning and the O's bullpen pitched 5 scoreless innings in relief.

In Sunday's game, the O's wasted no time dispelling the Braves, as they raped Derek Lowe for 7 runs in 2 1/3 innings. Brad Bergesen pitched his first career complete game, giving up 2 runs. He is now 3-0 in his last 4 starts with 1.69 ERA in that span.

Today the O's hope to carry over their success, as they open up a 3 game series against the New York Mets. Orioles Magic.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

You Lose Sir!

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, BWP has gone to shit. It is partly my fault for not doing the O's updates in a timely manner (but let's be honest, most the blame should fall on Greg). We'll do our best to step our game up but it is the summer and people are lazy.

Anyways, on to the updates:

The O's lost to the Mariners on Thursday 6-3. Koji Uehara had a forgettable return from the DL giving up 4 earned runs in 5 innings and the O's hitters got dominated by Garrett Olson (Garrett Olson!! this is getting embarrassing).

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for Thursday's game is... Koji Uehara!

Just look at his stats. You just need better production from your starting pitchers.

Yesterday, the O's opened up the second round of interleague play against the Atlanta Braves. Rookie pitcher Tommy Hanson kept the O's off balance all night and the Braves knocked around the O's pitching as Atlanta won 7-2. The O's were 2/9 with runners in scoring position and left the bases loaded several times.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for yesterday's game is... Jason Berken!

The O's starting pitching once again looks like crap as Berken gave up 4 earned runs in 4 1/3 innings.

Today, superhero Rich Hill looks to stop the bleeding and end the 4 game losing streak, before we become as bad as the Nationals.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Where Did The O's Bats Go?

The Orioles' pitching has done their best to keep their team in games the last few days, but it seems that everyone in the O's lineup is mired in a mid-season slump.

Yesterday, Jeremy Guthrie turned in a decent outing, giving up 3 earned runs in 6 innings, but once again the O's bats were silent as they lost 4-1. Mariners' pitcher, Felix Hernandez kept the O's hitters off balance all night as he held them to 1 earned run in 7 innings.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for yesterday's game is... Aubrey Huff!

Huff went 0/4 and was 0/2 with runners in scoring position.

Today, Koji Uehara returns from Disabled List to try and lead the O's to a series victory. It's only a matter of time before the O's start getting production from their young, talented lineup and if they can keep turning in solid pitching performances, they could become a scary second-half team.*

*Note: This is wishful thinking and will almost certainly not happen.

Raul Ibanez Does Steroids

Can we get on the ESPN Bottom Line now?

So, the quarter way point of the MLB season has come and gone, so NL quarter way roundups will become All Star break round ups. Keep in mind these predictions included a spot on the Brewers starting rotation through winning a radio contest and an outlook of the Atlanta Thrashers NHL team. If you expected more out of us then I pity you.

Last night's Nationals game was one for the ages. After a 2 hour rain delay in the middle of the 9th, the Nationals further infuriated their fan base by managing to tie the game in the bottom half of the inning. The estimated attendance at the start of the 10th inning: 33. Seriously...the announcer did a head count. In other words, my 4th period history class in 11th grade held as many people as a professional baseball stadium.

The point is, Blazing With Phelps, the site that nobody reads and for which nobody writes, has more viewers than the Nationals. Fantastic.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Brad Bergesen Pitches The O's Out Of Their Slump.

After trailing for 32 straight innings, the O's wasted no time taking the lead last night as Adam Jones knocked Brian Roberts in with an RBI ground out in the first inning. The O's added 2 more runs on a home run and a single by Nolan Reimold and the O's snapped their 5 game losing streak, beating the Mariners 3-1.

Brad Bergesen pitched 8 scoreless innings, giving up only 5 hits and striking out 6. George Sherrill gave up 1 run in the 9th on 2 hits, but he still earned his 12th save of the season.

Today the O's continue their series against the Mariners as staff "ace" Jeremy Guthrie faces Felix Hernandez in what is sure to be an exciting game between two mediocre teams.

Quick note: The O's drafted Matt Hobgood (pictured above) fresh out of high school with their first pick in the MLB Draft last night. The guys on MLB Network compared Hobgood to Brad Penny, which does not bode well for the Orioles. Here's to hoping that Hobgood breaks away from that comparison, for his sake and ours.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

News From the Real World: Banks Repay Loans, Recession Over

The big news today from the real world is that 10 of the largest banks in this country have gotten the green light from Congress to repay $68 billion that they received in federal bailout money.

For Americans everywhere, this means one thing: We're rich again! Suck it, China! Buy us out now, you Godzilla-fearing bitches! Say hi to Kim-Jong Il for us. Losers.

Now that the banks are all doing fine, I'm expecting my money back any day now. IN CASH. With interest. Booyakashah. And that's not to say I haven't already spent it all, either, because I have. I bailed my cousin Ray-Ray out of jail. Respect.

Companies like JPMorgan, Capital One and American Express all passed the "stress test" the government administered, and now we don't have to worry about money any more. Unfortunately, like Greg at the VD clinic, Morgan Stanley failed the test. But also like Greg, they decided it was okay and they're just going to keep on going. Really inspiring, both of you.

The money had originally come to these banks through the cleverly-named "TARP," or "Take ARrrrr [Money... The "ARrrrr" is Because We're] Pirates." This was shortly after all taxpayers were declared as pirates. Watch your face!

So, congratulations! Let's all rejoice! We're officially 1/14th of the way there! Put it up on the big booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooard:

Boom, baby!

O's Get Swept Again.

Nothing seems to click at the same time for the Orioles this year. When their pitching is good, their hitting sucks, and when they are scoring 8 runs a game, they give up 9. This recipe leads to very inconsistent play and the O's once again find themselves in the midst of a 5 game losing streak.

On Sunday, the O's lost to the Athletics 3-0 as Rich Hill lost control and was unable to make it out of the first inning. He gave up all 3 A's runs, on 1 hit and 4 walks.

If there is a silver lining to the loss, it is the fact that the O's bullpen looked impressive in 7 1/3 innings of relief. Brian Bass, Douchey Matt Albers, and Jim Johnson combined to hold the A's to 1 hit and no runs.

All in all, the A's only got 2 hits all game but still won.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner is... Rich Hill!

I hate to do it, but anytime you are a starting pitcher and can't make it out of the first inning, you deserve the award.

Today the O's return from their road trip and face the Mariners in a 3 game set. I'm sure all of the O's hitters will break out of their slumps but the pitchers will get rocked. I've probably said this before, but is it football season yet?

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Double O's Recap.

Sorry for forgetting to post after the O's game on Friday. It has been a busy couple of days with my brother graduating from high school and a bunch of family visiting from out of town.

But anyways, it looks like the O's pitching is back to their old ways, and their hitting isn't doing enough to bail them out. That means a lot of ugly losses.

On Friday, the O's got beat by the Athletics 9-1 as Jeremy Guthrie got embarrassed, giving up 6 runs in 2/3 of an inning. I stopped watching after that.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for Friday's game is... Jeremy Guthrie!

No surprise there. No explanation needed.

On Saturday, the O's lost to the A's 9-4 as Jason Berken was lit up by the suddenly potent Athletics' offense. Berken gave up 9 runs in 3 1/3 innings.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for yesterday's game is... Jason Berken!

Once again, no explanation needed.

Rich Hill looks to end the O's 5 game losing streak today and hopefully the O's offense can break out of this recent funk they've been in. Orioles Magic!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

We're Aren't Experts: Quarter Way Round Up: AL Central

I mean, I said the Royals were going to have negative wins. Whatever. Analysis!

1. Detroit Tigers (Winning Percentage: .549, Preseason Prediction: Fourth Place, .494)
Well, I was wrong. Who cares? I didn't put any thought into this crap. Whoa, sorry, I was wrong on the Tigers. Here's your money back. Eat me.

Something smart I said: "They spent about two billion dollars last year to finish in last place, even behind the Royals, which is no small feat. Maybe they did it to set up a Rays-like worst-to-first run this year and become America's darlings." Good call, me. It turns out that that's exactly what they're doing, behind a ridiculously strong pitching staff including Justin Verlander and Edwin Jackson, two people that most of us had given up on. This is why we don't run baseball teams.

Something dumb I said: "All I know is that between Justin Verlander, Gary Sheffield, and probably other people on the team that I don't know, a lot of these guys used to be pretty good." Yeah, count me amongst the people who had given up on Verlander. My b, dude.

2. Minnesota Twins (Winning Percentage: .481, Preseason Prediction: Second Place, .549)
I "nailed" their spot in the order, I guess, but I really thought overall that this was going to be a stronger division. It hasn't been. Thanks for killing my fantasy team, Liriano.

Something smart I said: Touting "Home-grown hero Joe Mauer," whose power stroke a lot of people had decided was nonexistent. We showed them, Joey! Fuck yeah! Mauer is currently hitting north of .400 and has been blasting homers left and right. But you can't get too excited about this team because they've actually pretty much sucked. They're just in an awful division.

Something dumb I said: Touting the pitching staff. Fuck you, Liriano. Fuck you and your control problems. Sounds like someone needs the tutelage of Rich Hill.

3. Chicago White Sox (Winning Percentage: .481, Preseason Prediction: First Place, .562)
Well, that sucks. They're on pace to win 13 fewer games than I had them projected for. That doesn't actually sound that bad though. So take that.

Something smart I said: My unyielding support of octogenarian Jermaine Dye, who continues to put up solid production. Others would shy away from 36-year-old power hitters after the steroids era, but not I. Not I!!! Jermaine, we will ride to GLORY!!!

Something dumb I said: "I like Carlos Quentin." Carlos Quentin hates baseball. I hate when I put dumb shit in print, this is why I never do prediction columns unless I make it clear that they're jokes. Oh wait, that's what I did this time. Why are we doing this, again?

4. Kansas City Royals (Winning Percentage: .442, Preseason Prediction: Last Place, less than zero wins)
Oh, so it turns out that you can't win negative games, and Zack Greinke has won much more than negative. So... I was wrong.

Something smart I said: "They have Alex Gordon playing third base, which would be great if third base was a position where you get points for not realizing your potential." Gordon started the season 2-for-21 and promptly got hurt. I'm so freaking smart sometimes.

Something dumb I said: "Also, beyond Gilga Meche I can't name a single guy in their pitching rotation." Ugh. I deserved to be played off by keyboard cat after that gem. Zack Greinke! Jesus Christ. He's been like a cross between Tom Seaver and the apocalypse this year. Just a preposterous quarter of a season for a guy that I actually like and somehow completely forgot about when I did my fake baseball preview. Why this matters? I don't know. You're the one reading.

Cleveland Indians (Winning Percentage: .418, Preseason Prediction: Third Place, .525)
Man, I was wrong about these guys too. They freaking suck. They suck lemons.

Something smart I said: Nothing. Mentioning Travis Hafner looked smart for about a week and a half and then he remembered that he is bad at baseball. Meh, what are you gonna do? I was right about their racist mascot. Hey-ya-ho-yah hey-ya-ho-yah!!!!

Something dumb I said: Grady Sizemore. Didn't see his horrible regression coming. Whatever.

Final verdict overall: I'm still really smart, despite what my predictions were.

The Mariners Celebrate Like They Won The World Series.

The Mariners beat the O's 3-2 tonight in dramatic fashion with a walk off single in the bottom of the 9th. The situation was set up after the Mariners hit a triple with one out and the O's opted to intentionally walk to next two batters to get to Adrian Beltre with the bases loaded. Beltre battled Jim Johnson to a 3-2 count before he finally hit a weak ground ball past a drawn in infield to give the Mariners the win.

The Mariners proceeded to celebrate by chasing Beltre around the infield, acting like a June win against the Orioles actually means something. Neither team is going anywhere so there is really no reason for anyone to be excited.

The Clipped Wing Award for tonight's game goes to... Matt Wieters!

The boy with the golden catchers mitt has been a mess since his call up from AAA. He is batting a paltry .143 and it seems that each of his outs has either been a strikeout or a pop-out. Tonight, he grounded into a double play with the bases loaded. I'm sure he will turn things around, but right now something isn't clicking for him.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

We're Aren't Experts: Quarter Way Round Up: AL West

AL WEST - Pre-Season Predictions
1. Angels
2. Athletics
3. Rangers
4. Mariners

AL WEST - Quarter Way Standings
1. Rangers
2. Angels
3. Mariners
4. Athletics

Texas Rangers: So it turns out I was right about their hitting (a retarded chimp could have predicted that). But it seems I was a little unfair to their pitchers when I compared them to Michael J. Fox. With a collective 4.49 ERA, their starters rank 16th in the majors which is more than serviceable when your offense averages 5.43 runs per game. If the Rangers can stay healthy, their offense is dangerous enough to get them into the playoffs.

California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the Greater Tri-State Area: I still think this team can win the division. The returns of John Lackey and Ervin Santana from the DL, should bolster their pitching staff the rest of the way. The fact that Vlad Guerrero is old as dirt and hobbles worse than an 80 year old man is a little disconcerting but hopefully the Angels can get past that and beat those pesky Rangers.

Seattle Mariners: Well look at this, Seattle is somehow not in last place. It must be their ass cause it aint their face. And by that I mean, it must be their pitching because it aint their hitting. And after a little research, this is absolutely the case. They have the 6th best ERA in the majors but they still have a -28 run differential. They are the anti-Rangers and don't expect them to seriously compete for the playoffs the rest of the way.

Oakland Athletics: That whole bringing Jason Giambi back didn't really seem to work out as he is just barely hitting above the Mendoza Line (.219). The Athletics' offense is just slightly better than the Mariners', but I think there is room for improvement. Matt Holliday has been piss poor most of the season, and if he can break out, look for the A's to surge in the standings and then trade him just before the Trade Deadline, setting up a slow fade for the A's down the stretch. The A's are too easy to predict.

All in all, I did a pretty horrible job of predicting this division so far. But we are only 1/4 of the way through the MLB season so there is still time. The Mud Dogs are gonna win 30 to 27. That aint no guess. That's what it's gonna be.

Maybe The O's Pitching Still Sucks.

The game isn't quite over yet but I need to be up early tomorrow so I'm doing a quick recap before bed.

As of the beginning of the 9th inning, the score is 8-1 Mariners, and judging by the O's hitting lately, it is safe to assume this game is over. Rookie David Hernandez got roughed up today, giving up 5 runs on 10 hits, and the O's offense was subdued by Erik Bedard as the Mariners led the game the whole way.

The bullpen returned to their shaky ways, giving up 3 runs in 2 1/3 innings effectively ending the O's chance of a comeback before it even started.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for tonight's game is... David Hernandez!

It is never good when your starting pitcher gives up as many runs as the innings he has pitched and that is what Hernandez did in this game (5 runs in 5 1/3 innings).

Later today, the O's send Brad Bergesen to the hill in the rubber match of the 3 game series. The Mariners counter with Jason Vargas (who I am not really familiar with). So it is anyone's guess as to how tomorrow's game will turn out. Hopefully the O's bats wake up and Wieters starts to look a little better. Tune in at 10 to find out.

Update: As I was typing this, the O's added a sacrifice fly in the 9th and the game is now over, 8-2.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Great State Hate Debate '09: Rhode Island

Ed. note: This is the thirteenth in the 50-part original Blazing With Phelps feature, The Great State Hate Debate '08 '09. Is it a debate? Not really. It's us making up lies and conjecture about why we hate where you live. Is it great? Not really either. Is there hate? Are there states? Is it 0...9? Yes, yes and God I wish I came up with this last year.

While you were busy appointing your 26-year-old diabetic son as the next heir to your throne, you missed: Virginia, Pennsylvania, New York, Montana, Mississippi, Washington, Florida, California, Nebraska, Ohio, Oklahoma, North Carolina

Let's fact check those bastards from Rhode Island.

Check yourselves, Rhode Island, 'cause you're on the fucking hot seat. It's about time someone cut you down to size--pun intended.

You see, Rhode Island is the smallest state in the union. This is the most well-known thing about Rhode Island, and also the only thing anyone knows about Rhode Island.

Rhode Island serves an important purpose, however: It is sandwiched between Connecticut, Massachusettes and Long Island--the three douchiest areas per capita in the United States. If Rhode Island didn't exist, we would be subject to douche rays far beyond what humans can handle. So thank you, Rhode Island.

Just over a million people live in Rhode Island, or about the same amount of people that live in stupid San Jose, California. Christ. On the bright side, they can't suck as bad as the people who live in San Jose, because no one sucks that badly.

Rhode Island has a simple economy because they don't have any fucking land. Maybe soon they'll start building huge high rise buildings or something. They're like your friend who's an RA and lives in the dorms. It's like, yeah, that's cool or whatever, but there's no room for all your shit, dude.

The main staple of the Rhode Island economy is fishing. Who cares.

Rhode Island was named by someone who obviously didn't understand the concept of an "island," because it's not a fucking island. Rhode Island is like one and a half land borders away from being a miniature version of Kansas. Fuck that, I didn't know we could just call our states whatever we wanted without regard for what the words meant. I'm now from Mary Clownface Jeff Gilooly Buttsex Land. It doesn't have to make sense guys, Rhode Island said so.

There are no sports of note in Rhode Island, but remember when Lamar Odom led the Rhode Island University Rams basketball team to the NCAA tournament? I can't remember where I put my keys, but I sure do remember that. Fuck sports.

Rhode Island is known as the "Ocean State" because they are really original and special. Hey you fuckheads, 17 other states border oceans and you don't see us getting all uppity about it. Do something new besides existing near water.

Rhode Island also hangs its hat on being a state of many "firsts": The first synagogue in America. The first slavery prohibition law. The first colony to declare independence. The first Baptist Church. The first state to bore me the fuck to death. Get something done this century or step the fuck off, Rhode Island.

Anyways, that's everything you'll ever need to know about the horrible, crappy state of Rhode Island. Rhode Island sucks and if you're from there, we hate you.

Rich Hill, Will You Marry Me?

I can't state it enough. It is great to have pitching again. If you would have told me a few weeks ago that the O's would win a 1-0 game, I would have laughed. But thanks to a dominant performance by Rich Hill, that is exactly what the Orioles did against the Mariners last night.

Hill pitched 7 scoreless innings, allowing only 2 hits and striking out 7. The O's lone run came on an Aubrey Huff sacrifice fly in the 6th inning, scoring Adam Jones. George Sherrill pitched a perfect 9th inning to earn his 11th save of the season.

Today the O's face their former teammate Erik Bedard in the second game of the three game series. Bedard was traded to the Mariners after the 2007 season for Sherrill, Jones, and three pitching prospects (Chris Tillman, Tony Butler, and Kam Mickolio). Considering Bedard spent most of last year injured, Sherrill made the 2008 All-Star team, Jones is poised to become and offensive leader for the O's, and Tillman is tearing up AAA, I'd say the O's got a pretty good deal in this trade.

Of course with all of that being said, Bedard is having a great 2009 season so far and he is going to be tough to beat. Hopefully the O's will find a way to drop the hammer. Tune in tonight at 10 to find out.

Before I end this post, just a quick note. This little gem was included at the bottom of the ESPN game recap:

"Australian Lauren Jackson, the perennial WNBA All-Star who recently chose to re-sign with the Seattle Storm instead of leave in free agency, was cheered while throwing out the ceremonial first pitch -- on a short hop to LHP Garrett Olson"

It must really blow to live in Seattle.

News From the Real World: Detroit Shut Down

Ed. note: Sorry I died again. Here's a new segment called "News From the Real World," where I compensate for the fact that I have to work now by writing fake news about what's going on outside my mother's basement. Enjoy or whatever.

FORMERLY MICHIGAN--In a move prophesized by Kentucky Derby trainer John Rich, the city of Detroit has been cut from existence.

After every major and minor business in the city went bankrupt, starting with automobile conglomerate General Motors, the entire area simply collapsed upon itself in a vortex of poor business skills and broken-down Saturn Ions.

City spokesman Eminem could not be reached for comment, as he had vanished. Shortly before Detroit disappeared into a black hole of suck, the rapper's old trailer park near 8 Mile Road had become the richest neighborhood per capita in the state of Michigan.

Neighboring cities seem to be relatively unharmed; however, the sulfuric stench produced by last season's Detroit Lions can still be smelled in Flint and as far away as northwestern Ohio.

Experts believe that the city simply could not support the series of poor decisionmaking that led to what kids on the internet call an "epic fail." The structural integrity of Detroit was compromised Monday when GM's worth, which was about half of a trillion dollars 10 years ago, had slipped to the equivalence of two tacos at Jack in the Box and a small shake.

The city of Detroit had been home to roughly 1,000,000 people, who are all now presumed to have disappeared. Rescuers are still hopeful that people in Detroit are simply hanging their heads in shame so low that it is impossible to see them any more.

The last two connections the rest of the world has to Detroit are singer Kid Rock, who has been impervious to being destroyed by massive amounts of suck since he somehow turned the horrible song "All Summer Long" into a hit last year, and Tigers right fielder Magglio Ordonez, whose hair acts as a natural defensive agent.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Double Orioles Losing Magic

Forgive me BWP readers for I have sinned. It has been 2 days since my last post. I'd like to say I've been busy but it was really just weekend laziness. I have fallen into the bad habits of the other BWP writers. So to all 35 of you BWP readers, I apologize and here is my double O's recap:

The O's lost to the Tigers 6-3 on Saturday, ending their 5 game win streak. The silver lining of the game was Matt Wieters' first major league hit, a triple to lead off the 5th inning. Wieters added another hit in the 6th to finish 2/4 on the day.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for this game was... Douchey Matt Albers!

Although it probably should have gone to Adam Jones, who went 0/5, leaving 5 men on base, he has been a monster this year so I'm going to let it slide this time. Albers earned the loss in the game, giving up 2 runs in 1 1/3 innings pitched so he deserves it. Plus, I just like saying Douchey Matt Albers.

On Sunday, the O's wasted a brilliant pitching performance from rookie pitching phenon Jason Berken and lost to the Tigers 3-0. Berken gave up only one run, a solo home run off of the bat of Curtis Granderson, in 7 innings of work. Unfortunately, the O's bats failed to show up, managing only 2 measley hits off of Tigers starter Edwin Jackson.

The BWP Clipped Wing Award winner for yesterday's game was... Peter Angelos!

The whole lineup blew hardcore yesterday so I had a hard time singling out one player to give the award to. Peter Angelos was the obvious choice because he is the worst owner in Major League Baseball.

Two more reasons to hate Angelos:
1. He was born in Pittsburgh
2. He is a Democrat

Blow me Peter Angelos.

We're Aren't Experts: Quarter Way Round Up: AL East

Prior to this baseball season, We're Aren't Experts debuted, much to the dismay of Brewers fans. It was a simpler time, when Chet was a mere guest writer, and BWP was stealing bread to support our large immigrate families. How times have changed. Now, 1/4 of the way through the season, it's time to take a half-baked look at our half-baked predictions. First up is the AL East. The extrapolation is based on win percentage as of May 31, with wins rounded up or down accordingly.

AL EAST- Pre-Season Prediction
1. Boston 98-64
2. Tampa Bay 95-67
3. New York 88-74
4. Baltimore 75-87
5. Toronto 69-93

AL EAST- Extrapolation

1. New York 94-68
2. Boston 92-70
3. Toronto 89-73
4. Tampa Bay 76-86
5. Baltimore 73-89

Boston: Expert or not, I don't think anyone saw this Ortiz thing coming. Never the less, the bats are alive at Fenway. The Angel of Death, Jason Bay, has silenced all critics of the Manny trade, myself included. Varitek has come back from the dead and is having a productive year, but it is naive to assume this will last. Their pitching has been iffy, but their offense is picking up the slack. If they keep hitting, the Sox will remain in contention all year.

New York: A-Rod's return has been a real shot in the arm, or wherever it is you inject steroids, for the Yanks. The biggest beneficiary of this has been Teixeira, who has been living up to his price tag since A-Rod's return. Chin Mang-Astronomical ERA came in for relief work yesterday, and pitched 2 innings of scoreless ball. His sinker ball is actually sinking, which lead to plenty of ground ball outs. I hate to say it, but the Yanks look scary this year. Their big acquisitions are beginning to pay dividends. The Yanks look like they will challenge the Sox for the title, and I dare say they might have the edge.

Tampa Bay: Upton can't suck this bad forever. Longoria is living up to his name by putting up MVP type numbers. Despite their pitching woes, the Rays have the best run differential in the division. They are 5-11 in 1 run games, so their record could easily be a whole lot better than what it is. They will stick around for sure, but they simply don't have the depth to compete with the Red Sox and Yankees this year.

Baltimore: The O's sport arguably the best 1-2-3 hitter combo in the majors, with Roberts, Jones, and Markakis all in the top 10 in runs scored in the AL. Weiters is sure to add to the offensive attack. The weak spot remains the pitching, as 4/5 of the current start rotation were in the minors at opening day. Chet has all you need to know about the Orioles, so I direct you to the O's Recaps for further reading.

They started out hot, but have fizzled once they started actually playing their own division. They are getting plenty of hits this year, but lately aren't scoring runs. The Jays went about .500 in the month of May, and all signs point to this trend continuing through out the year. This would make them a contender in the AL or NL central, but doesn't quite make the cut in the AL East.