Hey internet friends.
This week is my personal hell in terms of finals, so you're going to be hearing absolutely nothing coming out of College Park until about the 20th. The site is going to be lorded over by the questionably straight tandem of John and Nick, as it pretty much has been as of late. Their callused, syphilis-infested hands will surely take good care of BWP.
Anyways, today is Mother's Day. (Mothers' Day? Mothers's Day?) You should go call your mother and tell her you love her. If there's anything I've learned from mine, it's that there is absolutely no one on this planet that will put up with as much of your stupid bullshit as your mother. There is not a one person that will listen to all the stupid crap you have to say and still care about you. Not one.*
Case in point: Since last mothers' day, I started writing a column for 20,000 people on a semi-weekly basis where I advocated smoking weed and drinking underage, and openly came out and said I'm not learning anything. And I helped establish a web site where we make AIDS jokes and I say mean things about people based on the state they live in. Through all of that, my mother not only supports me but is somehow entertained by me. And even proud of me. You will never, ever find the type of dedication your mother is willing to give to you. In short, you fucking owe your mom. Big time.
At least I owe mine. So for the literally tens of you who read this, you should know that without my mom I'd be a shell of the successful, charming, handsome man who fills your life with such glee when open a crisp Diamondback and see my column. My mother is a beautiful woman and a wonderful person and she's much, much better than your mother.
So I'll see you all in about a week and a half. Summer will be an EXPLOSIVE time for Blazing With Phelps and I hope you'll come along for the journey. Yeah, I'll end this corny: I do know that no matter what, I'll have one die-hard fan. Thanks mom, I love you.