Monday, April 6, 2009

The Magic Starts Today

I don't think the O's are gonna win more than 75 games this year, but something about opening day baseball in Baltimore always gets my loins excited (and by loins I mean my penis). Luckily since we are playing the Yanks, I get to see the game at Penn State(AKA BirdTown) on the World Wide Leader. Things to look forward to in today's game and for the rest of the season:

1. We get to see how CC Sabathia's waistline is enjoying New York's fine selection of food vendors in stunning ESPN HD. Is there anyway to bet on what jersey size he wears?

2. Jeremy Guthrie owns the Yankees, so I predict the O's will begin the time honored tradition of being at the top of the AL East standings in April and finishing 45 games back by August.

3. We get to hear what rap song Brian Roberts will be coming out to. Last year was Hypnotize by Biggie Smalls. Im going with Get Up by 50 cent for this go around; just seems like the logical pick. Dark Horse candidate is this:

4. We will get a better understanding during this month who will emerge as the Orioles 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th starter (Im not really sure if this is a joke or not).

5. The chance that the signing of Greg Zaun will convince Dave Trembley it's 1996 and Mike Bordick, Roberto Alomar, Tom Glavin, Bobby Bonilla, and Pete Incaviglia all become acquisitions at some point in the year.

6. I'm predicting this is the year that the lemonade vendor who shakes like he's having a seizure will finally snap his neck after getting a little into his job (note:I used to think this was the coolest job in the world, until I realized that this guy has to be at least 30 and is still a vendor for the Orioles, very sad indeed).

7. Will this be the year that Aubrey Huff's sideburns connect to his chest pubes? Im saying yes. This should also be on the site that allows you to bet on Sabathia's jersey size.

8. Will this also be the year that someone gets fed up enough with Peter Angelos and kidnaps him until he gives up the team? Will that person be me? Stay tuned, the magic is just beginning!

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