Monday, April 20, 2009

Let the bullshittery commence

Greetings, masses — Smichard Blabdill here.  I'm just going to come right out and say that the classy fellows here at BWP are not going to regret giving me the enormous stipend I demanded to write here — I'm a pro, folks, and I'm ready to rock.

The best blogs are done by either professionals or assholes.  You're in for a treat: I am both.

I bring to the table the skills, contacts and hard-boiled demeanor of a journalism career that started weeks and weeks ago, back when people thought Obama was a nice guy and totally not a socialist.  Thems were different times, friends, but I persevered, and here I am: a little grizzled and somewhat jaded by all my time in the biz, but I'm going to put aside a few sober moments each day to pen my thoughts on the world and its inhabitants, and maybe give someone the treat of a fresh perspective.  And by "fresh perspective," I mean a dick in the eye.

I was hired because Rob really felt people weren't confused enough about the direction of BWP: is it about sports?  Is it about bullshittery?  Both?

If I might presume to speak for the group for a moment, Shut the hell up.  We do what we want.  If you understand, you need to stop shooting heroin and realize that this whole thing makes less sense than the middle verse in a Goo Goo Dolls song.

That said, I read and enjoy this blog every day and am really excited to help fry the brains of all 12 of my fellow readers.

I'm also excited to put a little journalistic spin on shit around here — I don't know if you guys have seen today's announcement of the 2009 Pulitzer Prize winners, but I took home a fair share of them: I do a lot of journalism, people.  Way too much to use just one name.  That's why I frequently use the pen names "Alexandra Berzon," "Lane DeGregory" and "St. Petersburg Times."  It just so happens I won a shit-ton of Pulitzers under all of these names this year.

So get ready, because some high-quality reportage is coming your way.  I leave you with this meditation:

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