Tuesday, March 24, 2009

We're Aren't Experts: The NL West

Ed. Note: Finally, we've come to the sixth and probably final installment of our baseball previews, "We're Aren't Experts." A fucking month ago, we did all of this funny stuff:

John on the AL East
Rob on the NL Central
John on the NL East
Rob on the AL Central

Nick on the AL West

Today Nick is going to wrap this up a month later. Sorry.

The NL West

Easily my least favorite division in the Majors, the NL West boasts five teams that play some of the most boring baseball I have ever seen. The Dodgers are the favorites to win the division but the other teams have some young talent who give them a fighting chance to keep the race close (with the exception of the Padres). Show me someone who cares about any of these teams (especially the Padres), and I will show you someone who hates their life.

Let’s get to the predictions:

Arizona Diamondbacks
The Diamondbacks are really the only team in the West that I semi-enjoy watching. With the solid pitching of Webb and Haren, the D-backs always have a shot to win games. They have some young hitting led by Justin Upton. I don’t have much else to say. If they still had Adam Dunn, I would pick them to win the NL West.

Colorado Rockies
If I were a pitcher I would NEVER sign with the Rockies. It is where a pitching career goes to die. I am fully convinced that the Rockies will never win a World Series for this very reason. If the old adage about pitching and defense winning championships is true, the Rockies are royally fucked.

Los Angeles Dodgers
“That’s just Manny being Manny.” A statement that we will most certainly hear a million times this season. If Manny stays healthy, the Dodgers are the favorite to repeat as division champions, if he doesn’t, they will probably still win it. Los Angeles pisses me off because it is a city full of liberals and douche bags. This shows at their home games, as their fan base consists mostly of guys in suits who talk on their cell phone the whole time. When I see this on T.V. I wonder why Jack Bauer worked so hard to save that wretched city for so many years.

San Diego Padres
They suck. There is no way to sugarcoat it. They just flat out suck. The only time they really have a chance to win is when Peavy is on the mound and even then they usually lose 1-0. All of the people who say baseball is boring probably grew up watching the Padres.

San Francisco Giants
The Giants offense is about as horrible as the Padres offense but luckily their pitching isn’t nearly as bad. If I were the owner of the Giants I would bring Barry Bonds back for another season. There is no way it could back-fire. The city of San Francisco is the only place in America that doesn’t completely hate the man. He could provide a much needed pop to the lineup and who knows, maybe he could supply all of the shitty hitters on the Giants with steroids. If at first you don’t succeed, take steroids.

Dodgers (87 – 75)
Diamondbacks (84 – 78)
Rockies (76 – 86)
Giants (73 – 89)
Padres (51 – 111)

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