Tuesday, March 17, 2009

This is Going to be the Most Frustrating March Madness Ever

After looking at the bracket for a little bit yesterday, I realized that this could very well be the most fucked up March Madness in quite some time. Last year, we had four teams that were far superior to anyone else, and almost everything worked out accordingly. This year, the top seed Louisville was not even that large of a threat for a No. 1 seed about two weeks ago, and is now the top seed in the entire tournament. UCONN is erratic as all hell, UNC has a huge question mark with the health of Ty Lawson, and Pitt has about as much success in March as General Custer has at Little Big Horn. Im almost guaranteeing that at least one of these no.1 seeds falls in the second round. That's only one of the many secrets you will find only at BWP that will ultimately bring you success in filling out your horrendous bracket.

1. Duke is winning it all this year:
  • It pains me to say that, because I have more hate in my body for Duke than I have STDs, but I have watched them play several times this year, and they have that scrappy, ugliest players alive swagger that they had when they were dominant. Their bracket is fairly easy, and have peaked at the right moment.
2. Do not let anyone who doesn't know shit into your pool (women):
  • If you have anyone who looks like this in your office pool, you might as well kiss your money goodbye right now, because like I said, it's going to be one of those years where everyones bracket will be over by this weekend, unless you pick teams without any reasonable thought process whatsoever. For example, my buddy Chet does a pool, where his mom picks solely by a teams mascot. Im going to take a guess that she goes with Syracuse, because there is nothing in this world that women like more than a fuzzy, gay orange named Otto

3. An 8 or 9 seed is going to beat a number one:
  • The number one seeds are shakier than Michael J. Fox (too soon?) and one of them will show their true colors by the second round. My guess is Tennessee over Pitt. They score a lot of points, have a tourney tested team led by Wayne Chism, and haven't gotten respect all year. All the ingredients of an upset.
4. Spread rumors to other people in your pool that aren't true:
  • Drop little hints here and there about schools to your friends to confuse them. "You hear that so and so just knocked his girlfriend up and threatened to kill her and the baby?" "Apparently Jim Calhoun had sex with Geno Auriema, and there's a sex tape rumor." "Tyler Hansborough apparently does more coke than Tony Montana, and he's been forced to suck dick to maintain his drug fix" Any of these will do.
5. Don't Listen to a word I said:
  • I have never won one of these things, and dont plan on it this year either. I'm really not sure why I continue to waste my time and money on something I will never win. Oh yeah, that's right, I'm degenerate gambler with no life. Enjoy the madness bitches!

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