Monday, March 23, 2009

This Is a Black Day For Baseball

Ed. note: Hi. If you're one of the alarming number of people reading this from Deadspin, why don't you kick your shoes off and stay awhile? You've had a tough day, haven't you. Let Blazing With Phelps bring you some hot chocolate and turn on your stories.

Well, the WBC was fun. Jimmy Rollins provided all the offense in last night's game, which lead to some electric commentary from Joe Morgan. After watching Rollins cruise into 3rd for a stand up triple, Morgan reminded the audience that he was never fast in his playing days, but has played enough ball to recognize speed. Brilliant. Steve Phillips went on to comment on the absurdity of Rollins and noted Blazing With Phelps supporter David Wright playing for the same team. He compared the Phillies/Mets rivalry to that of the Red Sox/Yanks. By this logic, the only thing more blasphemous would be Yankees and Red Sox wearing the same uniform. Thank God that will never happen. ESPN needs to leave him in Omaha year round. Jon Miller and Steve Phillips then chose to argue over excuses for Team America's impending loss rather than actually give play-by-play for the 9th inning. Miller insisted it was due to America playing "Spring Training-like baseball." Phillips argued it was more "All-Star Game-esque baseball." This senseless gargling of America's balls and my increasing urdge to kill myself lead me to try a little autoerotic asphyxiation. It wasn't pleasant, but it beat watching the end of the game. We had a good run, we had fun, and nobody got hurt.

Tonight's Korea (the good one) v. Japan in baseball Mecca...Los Angeles? Really? Was Miller Park booked? I now care even less about this game. This doesn't even merit a meaningless prediction. Go banana!

In other news, 4. Sisqo appears to be making a late run to take down 1. Joe Francis in a first round upset. Knocking out my predicted winner of my own fictitious bracket would be yet another sign of the Rapture, but that all depends on 2. Jesus sticking around long enough to get around to it. He's currently holding a decisive lead on 3. Matt Jones. Voting closes Tuesday, get out there and be somebody!

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