Monday, March 2, 2009

Sportscenter Sucks

My class schedule is very conducive to Sportscenter, but I'm starting to wonder why I still watch this crap, especially when I can get all the most serious and important news here.

I turned it on to see Hannah "Those 2 NFL players got lost in a" Storm and Bob Knight discussing Manny Ramirez. I thought we were the only ones with a segment called "We're Aren't Experts." ESPN is a thief and a witch.

The next segment included the ever changing "last 4 in and 4 out" of the NCAA Tournament, as predicted by a "resident bracketologist." I can't even make fun of this, it does too good of a job on its own.

A quick "update" on the 3 hour tour. In related news, Fransisco Franco is still dead. New piece of info this hour: they have a rescue boat called "The Tornado." I guess it's better than "The Hurricane."

"The fact that you haven't found any wreckage yet; Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

-Actual Question

The Atlanta Hawks mascot just got white icing all over "Ms. Snowflake's" face, and Bill Murray and Spike Lee loved it. This is news, apparently. They played basketball too, I think, but who knows.

Shaq claims he's been doing the same thing since 1992: Making. Awesome. Commercials. Shaq needs to do infomercials when his career is over.

Jay Cutler isn't happy.

"They want me to come in and talk to 'em, but I'm not doing that right now; I'm going to law low."

-Jay Cutmyself

Okay. Jay. It is not "laying low" if you say it in a press release.

It is 12:22, and Houshyourmamma is "sleeping on" his decision about his future, with a decision coming on Monday. In other words, T.J. is still asleep. Let's move on to....NASCAR? aww man...

Jeff Gordon is the points leader. Cool.

Obiligatory A-Rod update, and a commercial. After the break "Our Look at Coaching Outfits Gone Bad." 100k plus jobs for 100k plus talent. Really? Even your marketing directer? Why advertise on Sportscenter at 12:30 on a Monday afternoon? Is the 100k talent you're looking for really the un-showered guy eating a Hot Pocket?

Update: 2 NFL players and 2 faceless rabble are still lost at sea. They have searched 16,000 square miles, and have only found a few Cuban refugees...but fuck those guys, they aren't famous.

I actually do like Michal A. Smith. I don't even know what he's talking about, but he's antagonizing the anchor so who cares?

Marquette played Louisville. 10 v 6. Conference Rivals. March Madness. But Patino had to suit up like the 1840's land owner that he his. So rather than actually catching highlights and insight, I get a parade of bad suits on the sidelines.

Or not! A boat has been found!

Well...good. On that note I'll give it a rest for today, but you get my point. Sportscenter is just another sign of the impending apocalypse. Dress accordingly.

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