Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Diamondback cutting room floor: Juicy Campus

I'm going to start using this blog to, among other things, post up some of the deleted scenes from the newspaper I write for.

This one is about the unfortunate demise of JuicyCampus.com. Enjoy. Or whatever. I know I will because I can leave the swearwords in.

The economy sucks. Every day we read about another failed business. Circuit City. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Every American car company. And coming soon: minimum-wage columnists for student newspapers.

But one company’s need to stay afloat is head and shoulders above the rest. So I ask humbly, won’t someone please send a bailout package to Juicy Campus?

As happy as I was on Friday to learn that Blink 182 might be cutting a new album, I was completely deflated to read Derby Cox’s wonderfully-reported story in the Diamondback that the hate site formerly known as JuicyCampus.com had to shut down because of, amongst other reasons, the economy. This is a travesty. Juicy Campus represented a place for anonymous insults and unfounded accusations of date rape. In short, it was everything good about college.

For the record, I never posted anything on Juicy Campus, nor did I read it often. But when I did, it was addictive and funny and brutal, if not brutally honest. Society needs more Juicy Campus, not less. It’s like the adage that if people aren’t saying horrible, hateful things about you, then you haven’t made it. People only get torn down when they’re worth the time.

And on top of that, it’s good to get kept in check every once in a while. Want proof? Turn on American Idol and watch those nutjobs that can’t sing. These people have families. Friends. Acquaintances. Not one person ever went up to them and said, “You can’t sing. Don’t go on TV and humiliate yourself.” Not a one. You think those people couldn’t have been served better if someone kept them in check?

I’ll admit it, I searched my own name on Juicy Campus a coupla-three times. And I was disappointed that no one had anything to say about me. It’s like that Facebook group, “My name must taste good, because it’s always in someone’s mouth.” It’s the third-best Facebook group, after one about Duke basketball player Greg Paulus that I can’t reprint here and the one called “I GETS MONYE HOE… FUCK WAT U TALKIN BOUT.” I’d like to think of my name being delicious enough for that group. Notoriety is a good thing.

We all need a little bit of Juicy Campus. Like the anonymous comments left on various articles of mine, which have scaled the range from “baby” to “bitch” to “tool” to “bad stand-up comedian” (That last one hurting the worst). Derby Cox quoted someone saying that no one likes to have mean things said about them. This is true. But sometimes it helps to know that we’re all humans. It helps to not let your head get too big.

Do I think that some of the random comments asserting that frat guys raped people or that some girls were whores were great? Of course not. But sometimes you just have to take a step back and think, well, that your name must taste good.

As for me, I just know that nobody hates on someone that nobody loves. I’m just going to gets monye hoe. Fuck wat u talkin bout.

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